My grandmother is dead. She died yesterday morning. This, after trying to kill herself last week via a bullet to the head.I am numb, detached. I think about it but feel little emotion, except maybe anger about what she did last week.
There has been too much death this past year. Too many folks are getting old and dying, and not enough new ones are around. The rest of us stumble on through the seasons, through the years, "numbly rehearsing the ancient ways in a blur of forgetfulness..."
Children really are the color in a grey world. I can't imagine life without my daughter, Belle. She is amazing. Kid can work a DVD player on her own... at three years old. Damn! I was fumbling with my Atari at age 10.
Anyway, we are off to miserable Texas the day after tomorrow. I am to be a pallbearer; the others are my dad, my brother, my stepbrother, my uncle, and one of Granny's neighbors. She'll be laid to rest beside my Pappaw, who died almost three years ago: 2005, the year of Katrina.
Too much loss these past few years. I am ready for growth, for endless Springtimes.
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